When someone hurts you, it can leave noticeable scars that plague the rest of your life. There are some things you can recover from. You likely want to move on from the pain that you feel. Forgiveness can be an excellent way to start – but not in the way you may think.
IT HELPS IN HEALING:
Resentment is a powerful and dangerous emotion, and it’s capable of completely stalling your journey and preventing you from finding peace and moving forward. Your emotional wounds can’t heal for as long as you hold onto the pain, and sometimes those wounds can become “infected” by that anger seeping into other areas of your life. The act of forgiving someone relieves stress, which provides plenty of benefits to your physical wellbeing. This includes reduced blood pressure, improved immunity, and better pain management. On the flip side, unhealthy resentment and anger can lead to heart issues, anxiety, and worsened self-esteem.
- IT HELPS TO IMPROVE OTHER RELATIONS:
Resentment towards a person changes the way you view people and human nature in the world. That negativity towards only one single being who wronged you can creep into the relationships you share with everyone, even without you knowing. Being compassionate towards yourself and those you hold resentment for can change your outlook for the positive, fostering healthier and happier relationships with others in your life who are good to you.
RETHINK YOUR PERSPECTIVE ON FORGIVENESS
Many people believe that forgiveness involves giving in to someone’s hostile treatment of you, actively condoning them, or even downplaying their toxicity. This isn’t the case at all. Forgiveness is a complex subject, and it doesn’t mean approving of someone’s actions, admitting fault or invalidating your emotions, pretending that something didn’t happen, opening yourself up to future harm from the same person. In fact, it’s quite the contrary! Forgiveness isn’t about letting someone off the hook. It’s about finding the courage and strength to use your energy for something more productive and allowing this act of toxicity to remain in the past as you move forward. Deciding to be happy instead of angry, or refusing to be bound by past negativity that keeps you upset and harms you, or giving yourself a clean slate for future interactions with other or new people, this is something you can do in order to forgive. When you realize that forgiveness is more about your personal healing than someone else’s, it’s easier to understand that it’s good for you.
- TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
Taking responsibility does not necessarily mean blaming yourself for the harm caused by a hurtful person. Instead, it means remembering that your current actions and the actions you take for the rest of your life depend on you. If you’ve held onto resentment for so long, it can be tough to let go, but your positive thinking can be damaged when you hold on to blaming others as a coping mechanism. So start taking some responsibility for your life so you can begin to forgive.
5. UNDERSTAND YOUR EMOTIONS AND DISREGARD THOSE WHO CAUSED THEM
The feelings that come from being hurt are ones you must take time to reflect on and understand. Focusing too much on blaming those who caused these emotions can mess up your chances of working on self-reflection. So shift your mental concentration and energy to your feelings alone. Let yourself feel them, even if they hurt, and watch them. Then, think about why those emotions are happening, and tell yourself that it’s okay to feel those feelings and that they aren’t “wrong” to have. Finally, ask yourself how you can move forward with these emotions and how to soothe them positively, then walk on into your life with that.
6. DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY:
This sounds tough to do, and to be fair, it is. But there are awful people worldwide, and if someone did something horrible to you, it’s not a reflection of yourself. In fact, it likely had almost nothing to do with you. You were the unfortunate victim of the explosion of that person’s issues, and nothing they said or implied about you reflected on you , it was their projection, and you don’t need to be offended by that.
7. LET GO OF THE VICTIM MENTALITY
Victim mentality is a mindset where you excuse everything that happens to you and everything you do because you were a victim. You may even believe that you are continually being victimized to this day whenever something bad happens to you. The pain inflicted by a hurtful person can indeed cause deep wounds that take time to heal. But it becomes impossible to heal when you assign every single problem in your life to that one incident. You are a changed person, yes – but at some point, you need to learn who you are and take responsibility for moving your own life forward.
8. WORK ON POSITIVITY
Positive thinking is sometimes the best way to tide you over when you’re struggling with a subject as painful and scarring as giving forgiveness. When you learn to see the world with a positive lens, you naturally find that forgiveness comes more easily. Someone’s hurtful actions shouldn’t stop you from progressing towards the things you love. Find joy in life and set goals for specific achievements that you desire. It is never too late to begin seeking your happiness in life again or to start finding it in minor parts of your life.
9. FOCUS ON GOOD THINGS
There are good and bad parts of life. Learning to focus on the good things and even find them in swathes of bad can dramatically change how you view the world. That kind of positive thinking can make you realize that the resentment isn’t serving your life.